I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
