Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
