just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
