it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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