I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
