then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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