Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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