He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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