the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
