If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
