he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
