I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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