ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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