I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
