I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
