Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
