And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
