Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
