I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
