i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
