Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
