i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
