she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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