She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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