I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
