I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
