Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
