Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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