yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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