how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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