i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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