Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
