Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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