nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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