Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
