My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
