This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
