he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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