My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
worst night to have a conscience
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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