sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
