I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
