Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize