From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
