Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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