Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ruined the universe
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
