Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
