i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're a waste of cheezeits
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
