Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
