Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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