That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
