one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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