Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
