Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
