i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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