So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
