WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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