Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
