you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are a genius and a whore.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
