Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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