It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
