I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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