were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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