i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
