I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
