Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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