So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
