No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
