Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
