Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
