1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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