Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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