dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
