If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
