I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
