It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
