i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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